Every night before I sleep, I reflect on everything that has happened, whether good or bad. I find myself grinning from ear to ear when I remember all the funny things that I had gone through; I find tears rolling down my cheeks when I remember all the sad things that had happened, or even when I think about the things that aren’t going to happen. I also caught myself thinking how I fucked it all up on those days, and then it all came crashing down on me like a wave crashing onto the shores. A wave of emotions overcame me at some points in life, and I had to take it on like a man. I guess its all part and parcel of living. A breeze of melancholy always follows the scent of euphoria, I would always say.

“Just put on a brave front, no one would notice it’s just a mere facade to cover up.” I kept telling myself that. I could lie to everyone else, but I couldn’t just lie to myself. I know the truth, but I just can’t accept it.

I replay all sorts of memories in my mind before I put it to rest, because that’s the only way I can keep reminded of it all, be it fond memories or not. I could not just erase any memory away, as much as I wish I could, because I’d be erasing a part of my life that once was, that had happened. I realize that everything has changed. It isn’t the same as last time. It opened my eyes. It made me realize that, I miss the past. But you can’t go back. You can only move on and keep moving on, looking forward to the tomorrow that you hope for, and either you get disappointed or you’ll be smiling. Disappointed because it wasn’t what you had hoped for; smiling because it was.